Stuff.

I've been putting off my unpacking process for at least four days.

For the average person, unpacking would be the tip top priority on their list of things-to-do but for some reason I couldn't get it done. I do believe that part of my hesitation to unpack is a manifestation of denial to the obvious truth that I now live in Auburn. In this apartment. In this room.

With all of this stuff.

When I walked upstairs on Tuesday into my room I was overwhelmed. My closet was full and as soon as I opened the door my stomach turned sour. I have so much stuff. Clothes that I never wear or have grown out of just sitting there staring blankly back at me. More than 15 pairs of shoes. Jeans. Shirts. Sweatshirts. Skirts. It's disgusting really.

All I could think about was Senya. I know that guilt isn't what God wants me to be burdened with over the blessings that He has provided, but at the same time didn't Jesus say "Sell all of your possessions and follow me?" Sometimes I feel like we don't take that seriously. We just skip it over as "Oh this can be interpreted in reference to the culture." I mean, what if we DID what Jesus ACTUALLY said to do? Literally. No interpretation - just take it like it is and act on it.

My automatic thought was to take everything out of my closet, drive to the GoodWill, and leave it. I certainly don't need it. I don't even want any of it. All I can see as I look into my closet is one of the Senya kids pulling at my skirt asking if they could have my shoes as I looked at their bare and calloused feet. I feel responsible for that. Responsible for my brothers and sisters who NEED to be blessed and we are overly capable of delivering that blessing.

I want to be a delivery-girl of God's blessings. I know they aren't mine to give because everything is the Father's. That makes it even better thought, doesn't it? We have the honor, not the obligation, to be the hands and feet of Jesus right here. Right now.

I'm speaking to myself more than anyone else at the moment. Jess and I are cooking up something to act through what we've been discussing about responsibility with our blessings.

Well I should keep going. Thanks for stopping by!